Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
