If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
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VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
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