my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
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Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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