Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So I just went to clothing optional bar
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
