Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
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