i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Im part way to drunk.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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