Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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