the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
