i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
