Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
