i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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