Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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