First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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