Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
