If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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