girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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