If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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