You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
