Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
