Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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