i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
