Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
