I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
they need to just BURY HIM!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
