You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
