I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
