Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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