I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
