is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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