so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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