Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
