I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
