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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy

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• (+52): View more from Mexico

  she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."

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• (315): View more from New York

  It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real

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