So drunk its hurt
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
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I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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