Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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