I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Im part way to drunk.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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