Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
