I think I died a long time ago.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she pinky promised me she was 18
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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