You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
