hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
