Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome