I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.