i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest