Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
