I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.