Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
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he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
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Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself