Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
