Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sext me about skeletons
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
