My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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