addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
