Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
