awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
