I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
