also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's blow job season.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
