I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
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How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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