I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
