i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
