she woke up with a sticky ear
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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