did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
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Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
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What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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