Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
