Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
