I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
