I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
